Domestic and Family Violence

Experiences of Domestic and Family Violence

Domestic and family violence can happen in any relationship, regardless of the gender or sexuality of the people in the relationship. LGBTIQA+ people experience domestic and family violence at the same or higher rate than the non-LGBTIQA+ community.

In Queensland domestic and family violence is defined as behaviours or a pattern of behaviour by one person to another person which is:

physically or sexually abusive;
emotionally abusive;
economically abusive;
is threatening;
is coercive; or
behaviour with controls or dominates a person that causes them to fear for their safety or wellbeing.¹

For violence to be domestic or family violence the people involved must have a relevant relationship. A relevant relationship is either an intimate personal relationship, a family relationship, or an informal care relationship.²

Intimate personal relationships include people in a married relationship, engagement relationship or a couple relationship.³

Family relationships are any relationship between two people where one is the relative of the other.⁴ A relative is any person who is generally understood to be, or have previously been, connected to that person by blood or marriage.⁵ Examples of family relationships and relatives include parents, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, step-parents, mother-in-law, and father-in-law. A family relationship and relative relationship still exists even where there has been a relationship breakdown, for example a father-in-law can commit family violence against their daughter-in-law even where their child and the daughter-in-law have separated or divorced. In many cultures, for example First Nations groups and certain religious groups, a person will be considered a relative, even where there is no blood or marriage connection. In these cases a person is taken to be a relative where both parties of the relationship would consider the other to be a relative.⁶ Members of LGBTIQA+ communities can have relationships called “chosen family”. A chosen family are people who deliberately choose one another to play significant roles in each other’s lives and who consider each other ‘family’ even though they are not biologically or legally related. Domestic and Family Violence can occur in LGBTIQA+ chosen families, though violence from a chosen family member may not be recognised as DFV by police and service providers, or under the law

An informal care relationship will exist between two people where one is dependent on the other person for help in activities of daily living. Activities of daily living include dressing and personal grooming, food preparation and shopping, and making medical appointments on behalf of the other person.⁷

How to recognise DFV

It can be difficult to know when behaviours cross the line from inappropriate to abusive. Domestic and family violence can take many forms and can sometimes be difficult to detect. The table below provides examples of behaviours which might indicate that you are experiencing domestic or family violence.⁸

Emotional Emotional abuse can significantly impact your mental health and wellbeing. Signs of emotional abuse include: constantly criticising you or calling you names; intentionally embarrassing you; telling you how to look and being critical of your appearance; threatening to commit suicide or self-harm if you end the relationship; making you responsible for their emotional and physical violence.	Physical and Sexual Physical and sexual abuse can affect your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. Physical and sexual abuse can include: slapping, kicking, punching, choking or strangling; physical aggression directed at you, around you or to pets, furniture and belongings; locking you in a room or preventing you from leaving; forcing or coercing you into sexual acts; taking or exposing you to explicit photos/videos without consent; deliberately causing pain during sex.	Identity-Based Abuse This type of abuse is often targeted at LGBTI+ people. It includes: threatening to or actually ‘outing’ a person’s gender or sexuality; reinforcing feelings of shame, guilt or confusion; using your concern that services will discriminate against you to stop you from seeking help; saying it is anti-LGBTI+ to seek help for domestic ad family violence; isolating you from your LGTBI+ community and safe spaces; deliberately misgendering or ‘deadnaming’ you; controlling your access to gender affirming healthcare; using homophobic /transphobic slurs; threatening to disown or kick a child out of the house due to their gender identity.	Technology-Based Abuse This form of abuse involves using technology to control or intimidate. It can include: constantly messaging and calling; checking your devices without permission and monitoring your internet use; limiting your access to technology; using technology to track your whereabouts; taking video and audio recordings without your consent; sharing sexually explicit images or videos of you online without your permission.
Coercive Control A pattern of behaviour designed to dominate and control the other person’s actions. Behaviours may be one, or a combination of, physical and non-physical abuse. People experiencing coercive control often feel scared of or intimidated by their partner/family member, isolated and controlled.	Verbal Verbal abuse is often used alongside other forms of abuse. Signs of verbal abuse include: yelling, shouting or swearing at you; making verbal threats to intimidate or cause fear; accusing you of being unfaithful; constantly criticising you and calling you offensive names.	Stalking Stalking behaviour is often used with other forms of violence to intimidate and control a victim. Examples of stalking include: following you; turning up at your home, school or workplace without permission; leaving unwanted notes or gifts for you; constantly checking where you are; using technology or family and friends to track your movements.	Social Isolation Abusers often make people feel isolated and excluded from their family and friends. Signs that family isolation is occurring include: controlling who you have contact with; constantly criticising your family and friends; purposefully humiliating you in front of family, friends or in public; moving you away to be geographically isolated from support networks.
Reproductive Control Reproductive control includes: not letting you use contraception or forcing you to use contraception; tampering with your contraception without your knowledge; pressuring you to continue or terminate a pregnancy.	Religious and Spiritual Religious and spiritual abuse can include: forcing you to participate in religious materials; prohibiting you from engaging in religious or cultural practices; using spiritual and religious beliefs to justify abuse and violence.	Psychological Psychological abuse is used to control your thoughts, feelings and actions. Examples of psychological abuse include: controlling what you eat; controlling access to medicines; making you feel ‘crazy’ or overly sensitive and emotional; questioning your judgement; telling you that your friends and family dislike you; using technology to frequently contact you in an abusive or demanding way.	Financial Financial abuse can be used to further control and isolate a person, making them dependent on the abuser. Signs of financial abuse include: getting angry when you spend money; taking your wages; restricting your access to bank accounts; refusing to pay for necessary items including food or medicine; stopping you from working and making money.

Some forms of domestic violence and circumstances are indicators that you are at increased risk of escalating violence, life-threatening abuse or homicide. Risk factors for include:

If there is a history of domestic and family violence in the relationship;
If violence has started to escalate;
Where a partner is stalking or monitoring their partner;
Where coercive control is occurring;
Where there is a threat to separate from the partner or a recent separation;
Where certain acts of physical and sexual violence have occurred, specifically rape and non-fatal strangulation or choking.
Where a former partner is starting a new relationship or their ex-partner believes they have.
Where there are issues around access to children;
Where a victim is pregnant or has recently given birth;
Where there is broader family conflict, financial hardship, substance abuse issues, mental illness or access to weapons.⁹

If you are in a relationship where you are experiencing any or multiple of the above behaviours it is important to seek help. You can contact the police to make a complaint about domestic violence, seek a Domestic Violence Order or contact a domestic and family violence specialist service to help you make a safety plan. If you are in immediate danger contact triple zero.

Legal framework for DFV in Queensland

Domestic violence in Queensland is covered by the Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Act 2012 (Qld) and the Criminal Code 1899 (Qld). Domestic violence is often thought of as a cisgender male being violent towards a cisgender woman, but the definition of family violence applies regardless of the gender of the victim or the perpetrator. This means that the laws protecting people from domestic violence apply to non-binary people and other genders equally.

In Queensland if you are a victim of domestic violence you can apply for a domestic violence order. A DVO is a civil court order that is issued by the court to stop threats or acts of domestic violence. A DVO sets out rules that the perpetrator of violence, known as the ‘respondent,’ must follow in relation to the victim, known as the ‘aggrieved.’ If the respondent breaches any of these conditions they will have committed a criminal offence. It is important to contact police when you believe a respondent has breached their DVO as police don’t provide consistent monitoring or enforcement of DVO’s.¹⁰

There are two types of DVO: a protection order and a temporary protection order. A temporary protection order can be made urgently by the aggrieved or by police where there is immediate danger of continuing violence. A temporary protection order generally lasts until the date that a magistrate can decide an application for the full protection order. Full protection orders are made by a magistrate and they generally last for five years. All DVO’s include the condition that the respondent must be of good behaviour and must not commit domestic violence. DVO’s can also include conditions which stop a respondent approaching the aggrieved at home or work, staying in a shared home, approaching other people named in the order, or going to a child’s school. You can also ask police for a referral to a domestic violence service or referral to a community legal centre if required to assist with a DVO application.

What if violence is occurring within chosen family?

If violence is occurring in chosen family and it is determined that it does not fall within the legal definition of DFV, you can get a Peace and Good Behaviour Order (PGBO). The person using violence is called the complainant, the person seeking protection is called the defendant. To be eligible for a peace and good behaviour order the defend must have threatened:

to assault or to do any bodily injury to the complainant or to any person under their care
to get any other person to assault or to do any bodily injury to the complainant or to any person under their care
to destroy or damage any property of the complainant
to get any other person to destroy or damage any property of the complainant

You need to fill in a form with the facts of your complaint and take it to a Justice of the Peace who will issues a summons for the defendant to appear before a Magistrates Court. If the JP thinks that a magistrate is likely to reject the order, they may suggest it would be better to take your issue to mediation. Mediation is when an independent third person talks through the issue with both people to see if they can come up with a solution without going to court.

After the defendant is served a court summons, both the complaint and defendant must attend court. At court it is up to the complainant to prove that the threat is genuine and real. The court will either approve the order, dismiss the case, or refer the matter to mediation. The court will decide how long the order will operate, usually for 1-2 years.

If approved, the court may order the defendant not to:

Threaten the person
Contact the person
Attend their residence or workplace
Damage their property
Arrange anyone else to do the above

If the defendant is found to have broken the order the complainant can make a further complaint with the court or ask the police to act in their behalf. The maximum penalty for breaching a PGBO is a $7500 fine, or one year in prison.

There are costs associated with seeking a peace and good behaviour order. There is a filling fee of $99.55. If the case is dismissed the court may order the complainant to pay costs. The defendant may also be ordered to pay costs if the order is approved.

It is suggested that you seek legal advice before making an application to discuss the strength of the case.

If a crime has occurred, it may be suggested that you take the matter to the police.

For more information Applying for protection | Queensland Courts

What if I don’t want to go to the police?

You do not need to interact with police to access support for DFV.

If you

You can apply for money from Victim’s Assist without reporting to the police. You can report to a healthcare professional or domestic and family violence service.

If you have been a victim of sexual assault in Queensland and do not feel comfortable making a formal police complaint you can still report the incident through the QPS Alternative Reporting Option. The ARO allows victims of sexual assault to provide police with details of their assault, including the name of the perpetrator, whilst maintaining the option to stay anonymous. This will not result in criminal proceedings, but it can provide an avenue to assist healing, assist with other prosecutions against the offender and help police devise intelligence strategies to monitor the offender.¹¹

How should police respond to nonbinary people?

If police reasonably suspect that domestic violence is occurring, they must investigate. Non-binary people are entitled to the same protections as people of other genders. If you want information, advice or support in making a complaint to police about domestic and family violence you can contact a QPS LGBTI Liaison Officer. Liaison Officers are police officers who have received specific LGBTIQ+ training and have knowledge on issues specifically faced by the community. If you want to contact a Liaison Officer a full list of contact details is available for download from the QPS website here.¹² If you are in immediate danger, please call triple zero.

Police are required to comply with Queensland’s human rights and anti-discrimination laws. This means that police must not discriminate against you based on your gender identity. QPS guidelines also require that police officers recognise and refer to you by the gender you identify with and the name you provide. While it may be necessary for police to use a ‘legal’ name or sex on official documentation, police should always use your preferred name and pronouns in conversation.

If police have committed misconduct, you may choose to make a complaint

What can you do if the police haven’t listened to you?

There is a history of police using violence against LGBTIQA+ people and nonbinary people continue to report negative experiences with the police. You do not need to contact the police to receive some kinds of support for DFV. If you feel unsafe or do not want to report to the police you can contact support services directly without a police referral.

The QPS Client Service Charter requires that police treat every person with dignity and respect. If you are dissatisfied with the way police have interacted with you or dealt with your situation, you may choose to make a complaint. The first point of contact for a complaint is the officer-in-charge of the police station where that officer works. If you feel that the response from the officer-in-charge is not satisfactory you can complain to the Queensland Police Service Headquarters or the Crime and Corruption Commission. You can make a complaint in person, in writing or by telephone and include details of what happened, when it happened, where it happened, any witnesses and their contact details, any proof, and whether you reported the matter to any other agency. You can make a complaint anonymously; however it may be harder for an investigation to occur.¹³

Misidentification

Misidentification is when the police or another service inaccurately label a victim-survivor as a person using violence. This could look like:

Failing to identify the person most in need of protection
Failing to identify the person exerting the greatest harm and fear or power and control
Wrongly assessing victims of intimate partner violence as the person perpetrating violence
Wrongly assessing the person using violence as the victim of family violence
Viewing the violence instead as mutual abuse or lateral violence

Misidentification is common, but nonbinary people may be especially vulnerable. Assumptions about use of violence can be based on gender expression and sex characteristics.

Once a person has been misidentified by the police it limits the kinds of support available to them. As well as potentially facing criminal charges, they may become ineligible for support services and financial aid.

If someone makes a DVO against you, you can still make a DVO against them. This is called a cross application. This may result in a contested hearing where the magistrate will consider who the person most in need of protection is.

What domestic violence services can non-binary people access?

As someone who is non-binary, there are a number of domestic violence specific and legal services you can access, however these are not always LGBTIQ+ specialist services.

If you are looking for general support for domestic and family violence you can contact:

QLife
Provides free telephone and web-based counselling, referrals and support for LGBTIQ+ people and their families.
Ph: 1800 184 527
Rainbow Counselling Service
Provides counselling for LGBTIQ+ people with specialised counsellors. The service is based in Spring Hill, Brisbane but they can provide referrals to regional counsellors.
1800RESPECT Helpline
Provides information and support for anyone experiencing domestic or family violence. The helpline is available 24 hours, 7 days per week.
Ph: 1800 737 732
DV Connect (women’s line)
Ph: 1800 811 811
This is a toll-free, 24 hour service which provides counselling. This number cannot be recorded on your telephone account.
If you are non-binary and wish to contact DV Connect, you can choose to call either the women’s or men’s line depending on your preference.
DV Connect (men’s line)
Ph: 1800 600 636
If you are non-binary and wish to contact DV Connect, you can choose to call either the women’s or men’s line depending on your preference.
Say It Out Loud
An organisation which provides information on healthy relationships and service referrals for LGBTIQ+ people. Say It Out Loud has an online service finder where you can filter by your needs.

If you are looking for legal support for domestic violence you can contact:

LGBTI Legal Service
A community legal centre providing specialised legal support to the LGBTI community.
Ph: call (07) 3124 7160 or text 0485 908 380
Queensland Indigenous Family Violence Legal Service
Provides free, culturally appropriate legal support to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people affected by family violence.
Ph: 1800 00 7700
LegalAid Qld
Provides legal advice and representation, including for domestic violence matters which relate to family law.

You do not need to have contacted the police or have a referral to seek help for domestic violence. Police can give you a referral to services, but this is not required to access services, including emergency accommodation and refuges. Each region has a specific domestic violence service provider who can refer you on to other services, including emergency housing, legal services and Child Safety assistance.

What do I do if I am discriminated against or refused service when seeking support?

Finding other support

There are many reasons why a DFV support service may not be able to help you.

You may need to seek support from another organisation.

If an organisation has refused you service, it might be helpful to stay in contact with them. They may be able to help find another service that can help you. Support services often have relationships with other services and may be able to identify individuals within organisations that may be able to provide you with a better service.

The organisation may be able to provide you with a warm referral, which means the other service will receive some information about you from the original service. This can prevent you from having to tell your story again and get you the help you most need quickly. A warm referral might not be helpful if it comes from a service that has discriminated against you as it might misgender you or open you up to more discrimination.

Is there financial help available?

Centrelink crisis payment is available for people experiencing extreme circumstances such as DFV and are in severe financial hardship. It is a one-off payment equal to a week of your Centrelink income support payment. To be eligible you must receive income support from Centrelink and have liquid assets of less than two weeks of your income support payment.

DFV leave is available to QLD workers who have experience DFV. It may be used for:

Recovering from and injury
Attending an appointment
Preparing for or attending a court appearance
Finding housing
Organising child care or education of a child

Full time employees are entitled to 10 days paid domestic and violence leave per year and may be granted additional unpaid leave. Part-time employees are entitled to a proportion based on hours worked. Casual employees are entitled to unpaid leave, either 10 or 2 days depending on how long they have been employed. To access leave the employee must notify their employer. The employer may ask for proof of support for the leave application.

Victim’s assist provides financial assistance to victims of violent crime that occurred in QLD. It can help with:

medical expenses,
counselling
travel for medical appointments,
loss of earning,
legal expense,
emergency accommodation,
relocation,
security,
essential household items

A victim’s assist claim can take many months to be approved, but it is possible to apply for urgent expenses.

Emergency relief programs can provide access to essential items such as vouchers for food and contributions to third party accounts such as utility bills

Financial counselling and debt management help is available through DFV support services

If you are seeking emergency accommodation or access to a crisis shelter please contact DV Connect here or on 1800 811 811.

Not every Domestic Violence Service Provider will have the necessary training and culture for nonbinary people to feel safe in accessing them. Some services have rules or a culture that prevents them from providing service to people who were assigned male at birth or have a masculine gender expression. Some services may have staff that are not trained to competently help nonbinary people. Before reaching out to a service for help, you or a friend may choose to assess the service for cultural safety, using the guide we developed.

Parent-Child relationships (for adults)

Domestic violence can occur between parents and their children, with up to 25% of transgender and gender diverse young people aged between 14 and 25 years experiencing verbal or physical abuse at home.¹⁴ Some forms of violence which occur for non-binary children and young adults may be unique from other forms of violence experienced by cisgender people. These can include:

Refusing to use someone’s correct pronouns, deliberately mis-gendering or ‘deadnaming’ a person.
Controlling a person’s medications or access to gender transition/affirming healthcare.
Using homophobic/transphobic slurs and abuse
A parent or family member kicking their child out of the house because of their gender identity.
A parent or guardian forcing a young person to conform to social, religious or cultural gender expectations.

Any form of behaviour which is emotionally, physically, sexually abusive, or threatening can be family violence. As discrimination against and exclusion of LGBTI people is often normalised in society, some LGBTI people consider things like being kicked out of home, deadnamed or not accepted as a normal part of growing up with an LGBTIQA+. However, if a family member treats you in a way which is violent, abusive or makes you fear for your safety, this will be domestic and family violence.

If you are under 18 and experiencing family or domestic violence, you can seek help.

The following organisations can provide counselling and referrals to domestic violence support services:

1800RESPECT Helpline
Provides information and support for anyone experiencing domestic or family violence. The helpline is available 24 hours, 7 days per week.
Ph: 1800 737 732
QLife
Provides free telephone and web-based counselling, referrals and support for LGBTIQ+ people and their families.
Ph: 1800 184 527
Family and Child Connect
Provides advice and information to anyone affected by family violence, including parents, grandparents, other family members and young people.
Ph: 13FAMILY or 13 32 64.
Kids Helpline
Children, teenagers and young adults can call Kids Helpline to talk about anything — what’s going on at home, stuff with friends, something at school or feeling sad, angry or scared.
Ph: 1800 55 1800.

If you are in immediate danger, call police on triple zero. You can also follow the steps outlined above to make a complaint to the police.

If you are concerned about family violence occurring in your family, you can make a complaint to Child Safety. When you make a complaint to Child Safety you will need to provide the following information:¹⁵

details about the child or young person (e.g. name, age, address)
details about the parents or other relevant persons
the reasons you suspect the child or young person may have experienced or is at risk of experiencing harm
whether or not the child, young person or family has support
the immediate risk to the child or young person
contact details for the family.

When you make a complaint, Child Safety should keep your identity confidential, however it is wise to request that this is written in your report. You can also make a complaint anonymously if you are concerned about increasing the risk of violence.

Once a report is made Child Safety will investigate by contacting the child, family and other people, for example doctors, teachers and extended family members. After an investigation is completed Child Safety have a number of actions they can take from providing advice and counselling, to removing the child.

To make a report to Child Safety you will need to contact your Regional Intake Service. You can find your local Regional Intake Service and how to contact them here.¹⁶ If you are making a complaint outside of business hours you should contact the Child Safety After Hours Service Centre on 1800 177 135.

Parents and children (for kids)

Dealing with homophobic, transphobic, and nonbinary phobic parents can be seen as a right of passage for LGBTIQA+ people as they grow up, but some actions taken by unaccepting parents are actually family violence and are not ok.

Parents often have difficulty dealing with their children coming out, but if they react badly you should reach out for support.

If your parents are doing any of these things, you might want to tell a trusted adult such as a teacher, relative, or doctor.

If your parents will not let you see a doctor
Hurt you or threaten to
Kick you out of the house

If you’re not sure how to know if violence is happening in your home you can learn more about it at this website

Before coming out make a plan

Have a safe space to retreat to

Coming out might go great! But it’s useful to have a back-up plan. Reach out to a friend or family member and see if you can spend the night at their place. If you can’t leave the house you might prefer to organise to chat to someone after you come out about the experience. A safe place could be your bedroom or backyard, somewhere you can have privacy if you need it.

Consider how to come out

You might have seen people come out in shows and movies by sharing face to face, but there are lots of ways you can come out.

Write a letter
Send a text
Record a video

You can also consider where you want to come out, if it is in person. Is it at home? In a public space? During a drive? Sometimes sitting next to each other instead of face to face can make things easier to share.

Aftercare

The big focus of coming out is the moment and the response, but what happens afterwards? It’s important to consider how you will best look after yourself, even when things go well you might still have a lot of fear and strong emotions in your body. Think about all the ways you could work that energy out, maybe its physical e.g. dancing, spinning, going for a walk or run, or boxing a pillow. It might be through processing e.g. writing, singing, or drawing. It could be through distraction e.g. watching a movie, listening to music, chatting to a friend, playing a game. Do you use fidget toys? Keep a list of these nearby so you don’t have to try and come up with an idea in the moment.

Community

Remember that there are so many places you can turn to if things are looking bad. If you don’t have any in person LGBTI friends, there are so many places to connect online. Sometimes your school might have a rainbow group, or you might live close to a city with an LGBTI service. Qlife is there if you want to talk to another member of the community anonymously and they even do webchat if phones are hard. Family is important, and that includes chosen family. Coming out is sharing a part of yourself with people who are important to you, and there will always be people important to you who want to know who you are and will love you for it.

What if the reaction is really bad?

If you are feeling unsafe, or the reaction from coming out has escalated to violence, firstly seek safety. Follow the plan you set out for a bad reaction, make sure you are out of the environment that is harmful whether that’s visiting a friend, going to the park, going to a public place like a shopping centre or a 24 hour fast food restaurant if it’s late. Contact a trusted adult in your life, if you don’t have any trusted adults and you don’t feel safe returning home you might consider calling the police. Sometimes services designed to help us don’t feel safe either, and you might also have a bad experience because of being LGBTI. Keep telling adults until you find someone who can help you. Making a plan for this before you come out can be really helpful so that you know what to do and don’t have to try and come up with the next step on your own.

When Can I leave Home? – Youth Law Australia

What’s OK At Home | Domestic Violence Resource Centre (DVRCV) (woah.org.au)

You can always call the kids help line to talk about anything going on in your life.